


The Language of Steven

by Lordsamethstarr



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Amethyst Boot, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Car Accidents, Conflict, Gen, Injury Recovery, Muteness, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reminiscing, Sad, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Trapped, extremely light connverse, fitted sheets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:20:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22036198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lordsamethstarr/pseuds/Lordsamethstarr
Summary: Formerly "His Choices". Title has been changed as the story has been expanded upon!An impulsive decision leaves Steven near death and trapped in a bubble underwater with nothing to do but contemplate the events leading up to his situation. Time is against him, and darkness and desperation are closing in.The consequences of his choice leave his friends questioning their own decisions and struggling to communicate with him as they all grapple with the challenges of his recovery.
Relationships: Amethyst & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran & Pink Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Garnet & Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Pink Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe, Lapis Lazuli & Steven Universe, Pearl & Steven Universe
Comments: 51
Kudos: 307





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> By popular demand, and my own personal interest, I have added another chapter which follows Steven's recovery, and two short chapters highlighting  
> major recovery milestones.
> 
> However, I will emphasize here that the story was meant to end at the first chapter. It's up to you which ending you prefer and how you choose to interpret it.

Steven’s eyes opened slowly, squinting at the wavering violet light above him. It wasn’t particularly bright, but his head was pounding with pain. The wavering light was blocked partially by black streaks. He couldn’t see very well, and he realized it because his right eye was swollen shut. A piercing pain in his side prevented him from sitting up, leaving him stuck lying on his back. He tried to take a deep breath to calm himself, but his body wouldn’t even grant him that.

Fighting the rising dread, Steven tried to get an idea of the situation. He recalled a sense of panic, and then a crushing impact, but nothing else. He wasn’t even sure where he was. He scanned his surroundings the best he could with his one good eye, barely able to turn his head. By the wavering light, he guessed he had to be several feet underwater, held in a protective bubble. The black streaks on it were wrong, and for a moment he rejected the idea that it was his own bubble, but he could feel his power active, protecting him in his dazed state. 

He started taking note of the state of his body. His eye was swollen, and his cheeks felt sore and stiff with little scabs. His right temple hurt, but he couldn’t tell if it was a cut or a bruise. He worked his way down. His right shoulder was dislocated, he couldn’t move his arm. His left arm was also immobilized, but he didn’t feel pain. He could wiggle his fingers, but he couldn’t move his arm. There was an excruciating ache in his right side and he was having trouble breathing through the pain in his ribs. Moving down lower he took note of a pain in his hips. Every time he tried to pinpoint where, it moved somewhere else. He couldn’t move his left leg at all, but was able to bend his right knee a little. His entire body was speckled with stiff little scabs. 

He wondered if his gem had been damaged, but he couldn’t lift himself to check. He could only lie there. While he took a moment to process the situation, he tried to figure out the black smears on his bubble. Dried blood, probably, looking dark in the low light. It looked so different in movies. His bubble was smeared with it. He had never seen so much of his own blood, but he didn’t think he was bleeding to death at least. It was hard to tell, everything was so fuzzy. He closed his eyes, failing again to take a full breath. What had happened?

\---  
Pearl  
\---

Steven could recall her voice. That specific way she said his name irritated him so much that day. It was a small thing, a towel forgotten on the bathroom floor maybe? He couldn’t recall. It seemed so stupid now. But at the time it seemed important.

“I don’t need you to clean up my messes!” he had said, but she wasn’t cleaning his mess. She was reminding him to clean up after himself. Steven felt frustrated and she must have felt that way too. He wanted to be more independent. She wanted him to be more independent. But he wanted to be independent _by himself,_ and she was getting in the way. Maybe if he had explained that to her, they could have come up with a solution. Instead he had raised his voice. She just wanted to help.

\---

Steven wondered if he could heal _something_ with his spit, but his mouth was so dry. Was his vision out of focus, or was it just because it was dark and underwater? The swelling around his eye wasn’t getting any better, and his headache kept causing him to space out. He tried to stay conscious though; he had no idea what would happen to his bubble if he passed out. He was both sweating and shivering.

His phone began to vibrate in his jacket pocket, pinned underneath him. Someone was looking for him! He must not be that deep underwater, or that far from the shore if he had service. He felt new hope as he tried to shift to get at his phone. It was pressed against his lower back, the vibration sending little stabs of pain through his hips and up his spine. He couldn’t move his arms. He wriggled a bit. The phone stopped vibrating. He couldn’t get it.

Pearl had put a tracking app on his phone, and he deleted it. Then it happened again. And a again. And again. He was fed up with it, he wasn’t a kid, she didn’t need to know where he was 24/7. After a firm talk, she had promised to leave his phone alone, to respect his privacy. She didn’t put the app back on his phone after that.

Steven closed his eyes, wincing as his breathing quickened with emotion. He needed to stay calm. The phone wasn’t the answer. They would find him another way. Unless…

Steven’s heart dropped. What if they just thought he was ignoring them?

\---  
Amethyst  
\---

The day before, Steven had made two weeks worth of meals and had frozen them. Today, all of the food and their containers were gone. It wasn’t really a big deal, in retrospect, it wasn’t like there was any kind of food shortage in his house. But those two weeks of meals were _his_. His effort. His reward.

She had eaten them, of course, leaving next to no trace. Fourteen premade meals. And she treated it like some kind of joke! He had thought she was more mature than that. She tried to tell him it was just a joke, but he wasn’t paying enough attention to understand. Eventually she grew angry and stormed off, saying she would never do any favors for him again. 

Steven didn’t understand until his Dad asked him how he liked the deep freeze she had taken out of her room for him. She and Greg had repaired it together and set it up beside the house. Inside was his two weeks of meals. She had noticed he was putting effort into meal planning and knew their little freezer didn’t have a lot of space. She wanted to help. She said she had eaten them. It was just a joke. She hadn’t eaten any of them, she had made a surprise for him.

Steven felt so guilty, but why didn’t he apologize right away? Because he was still irritated. She could have been more direct. That was the last time he had talked to her. 

\---

Steven’s phone vibrated again, a fourth time. Maybe more? He tried to ignore it but his heart was fluttering. It was right there, but he just couldn’t move. Each time it received a call, it stressed him out more. He wished it would stop. Eventually it did.

Several hours had passed, and not much had changed. He could do nothing but lie there, feeling his bubble lightly rocked by the moving water. He was having trouble staying awake. The wound on his right side was making him feel sick, and as time passed he began to understand that it was more than just broken ribs. Some _inside_ was damaged. If he fell asleep he doubted he would be waking up. He just needed to be patient. Someone was coming. Someone had to be coming.

\---  
Garnet  
\---

Steven’s car keys were missing, and she suggested that he walked instead. He was already running behind, and his day had already been frustrating. She didn’t seem to want to help him find his keys either. Steven didn’t have time for this. She suggested he call Connie, tell her that he was running behind. She would understand.

No, he didn’t want her to need to understand. He wanted to be there on time!

She insisted again, causing Steven to become irritated. He already assumed she had seen something with her future vision, she probably was the one who took his car keys. But it was _his_ future. Why did she have more control over it than he did?

He had a spare key in his room, so he just took that. He didn’t want to deal with anything else from anyone else, so he left directly from his room, floating down to the Dondai and quickly getting in and starting it. He was already running late. He wasted no time getting on the road.

\---

It took Steven a minute to realize he was staring down at himself. He was outside the bubble, but relieved to see it was holding, protecting his fragile body from the water. An astral projection? He didn’t feel the pain anymore. He moved himself closer, peeking into the side of the bubble through the blood.

He could barely recognize himself. His face was swollen, the bruising already setting in. While he knew his eye was swollen, it looked like his cheek and mouth were puffed too. A splinter of wood was embedded in his cheek, and there were so many little cuts all over him. There was a sickening cut on the right side of his head, leaving a blood pool below him, soaking into his clothes. He didn’t know if it was just his blood soaked hair, but he couldn’t see his ear. It looked like the majority of the bleeding had stopped though. His jacket had come off of his shoulders and was resting at his elbows, pinned below his body, keeping his arms immobile. His clothes were hiding the chest wound on his right side, and he couldn’t tell if there was blood on the dark fabric. His left side looked remarkably uninjured, at least until he got to his legs. His left leg was bent at an unnatural angle; no wonder he couldn’t move it. He couldn’t see his gem, but it had to be ok. His powers were working.

He backed off from the bubble and looked upwards. How did this happen? 

\---  
Connie  
\---

Steven didn’t show up. Did she think he had stood her up? Of course not. She was probably really worried.

No, he didn’t want to think about it right now.

\---

Steven didn’t want to get too far from his body, but he needed to know what happened. He let himself float to the surface.

It was still light, late afternoon. He could see Beach City far in the distance, across the water. He was quite a bit north of the city. He turned, facing the cliff he was beside. He could see damaged trees above. Had there been a fight?

When he floated up to the trees he just saw it was an overhang halfway down the main cliff. There was so much debris. Pieces of metal, broken trees, rocks, and a single car tire. He could see where his bubble landed, a slight impact crater giving him an idea of how much force he must have been thrown with before it must have rolled into the water. What had he been fighting? He began moving himself to the top of the cliff. The answer would be up there.

\---  
Steven  
\---  


He sped right past where Connie was supposed to meet him. He suddenly didn’t want to be around anyone. He wanted to be away from everyone. She wouldn’t want to be around him if he was like this anyway. She would just lecture him. He didn’t want to be around her either then!

He was driving too fast, there were too many cars. They were frustrating him too. Why were people driving anywhere on a weekday evening? He pulled off down a maintenance road.

This wasn’t his first time down this road, it ran near the cliffs and had a wonderful view over the ocean. A wonderful view of Beach City. It was also empty. He could drive as fast as he wanted, as aggressive as he wanted. And then he could yell as loud as he wanted out over the ocean and get it all out. Then he would be able to make it right after. He wouldn’t hurt anyone with his anger, and he could fix it when he was more calm.

\---

There was chaos at the top of the cliff, and Steven was struggling to process it. The road was pretty far away, but the _front half_ of the Dondai was nestled against a boulder. The headlights were facing the taillights, several feet away where the rear of his vehicle was sitting impaled by a stump, the tree it belonged to fallen over top of it. It took him a second to comprehend that it had been ripped in half.

There was a pathway of destruction leading from the road, debris everywhere. A side mirror hanging off a tree branch, the back seat was smashed up and shredded. The dirt was turned up all over the place.

The front half of the Dondai was missing its roof, exposing the driver’s seat. The air bags had deployed, some good that did him. He had been thrown pretty far. Another detail about the driver’s seat caught his attention, before he felt a prickling in his chest.

\---

Steven slammed back into his body as he began to violently cough. His whole body tensed, causing him to feel pain from everywhere. It was so much he couldn’t even identify where it was all coming from, it was just so much hurt.

The wet coughing wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t get a breath. Every time he got a chance to inhale he just breathed in more fluid, leading to more coughing. 

The surprise from a cold trickle of water hitting his face stopped his fit, and he was finally able to spit out enough to get a breath. He had rolled onto his left side and curled up slightly. It’s probably what stopped him from drowning in his own fluids. There were fresh blood spatters against the bubble. His mouth was still wet and tasted coppery. He was so dizzy. Cold water was running down his face. It felt nice.

He enjoyed it a moment longer before it clicked that his bubble was cracked. If he left it that way he would drown for real. He quickly repaired it, but there was already quite a bit of water with him, stained dark. The cold water on his wounds stung. The sun was going down, it was getting dark.

\---  
Steven  
\---

He couldn’t think about his problems when he was driving this fast. He had to be completely focused on his task, and it felt good. He knew the road, he had sped down it before, but he still needed to be prepared for the unexpected. It forced his mind off of his frustrations. 

He turned a blind corner and there was a fallen tree. There was no time to react, not with how fast he was going. He reactively slammed his wheel to the right, way too hard as he braked. 

He couldn’t guess how many times it rolled, but he had already been thrown through the windshield by the time the Dondai collided with a tree, taking the whole thing down and tearing the vehicle to pieces.

After he had been ejected, he knew it rolled over him at least once before he thought to get himself in a bubble. Something had impaled him. He was dizzy. It was all he could do to keep the bubble together, and he just kept rolling out of control. That was how he ended up underwater, he went right off the cliff into the ocean. He must have been in a daze the entire night, because he didn’t remember anything until daylight. 

He recalled the driver’s seat in the rubble. It was almost perfectly intact, the seatbelt undone. He had been in such a hurry to get away from everyone, he hadn’t even noticed he had missed it. His own frustration and impatience was why he was down here, alone. If he had been a normal human he would have probably looked like ground meat after that crash.

He was glad he hadn't picked up Connie, although she probably would have talked him out of driving like a moron. 

\---

The bubble was leaking, and Steven couldn’t do anything about it. He didn’t have any energy. It was difficult to breathe and he kept coughing up froth.

His phone vibrated again, he could feel the buzzing along his belly. He opened his good eye. He had rolled over onto his side during his coughing fit, freeing his jacket from below him. The pocket was sitting on the side of his belly. He still couldn’t move his right arm, but when he tried to move his left arm he realized it was only pinned by his jacket sleeve. He struggled, freeing his arm. The pain from the movement was making him dizzy, and he nearly passed out when he rolled onto his back. His bubble cracked more, spraying him with water. His phone had stopped ringing, but with his left arm he was finally able to wrestle it from his pocket. 

His original set of car keys came out of his pocket as well. They dangled from behind his phone, where his fingers had them pinned. They had been in his pocket the whole time. He wanted to laugh. Garnet hadn't taken them at all. He had been in such a hurry and so frustrated that he just didn't look in the most likely place. 

The phone's screen was cracked and it didn’t respond to his touch. He had put good money into a durable case, and it was still impressive that his phone could even receive a call after the crash, but he couldn’t make a call this way. He let his hand fall limp to his side, splashing in the rising waters.

It rang again and he turned his head. He tapped at the screen with his thumb over and over, not expecting much. 

Steven started to feel light. The pain was fading a little. He didn’t know if the voices he heard were coming from his phone or if he was imagining it. He brought it up slowly to his face. It was a female voice, but he forgot who it belonged to. She said she was looking for him, they found the car but they couldn’t find him. He didn’t have a voice anymore, the only sound he could make was a weak, wet gurgle, followed by a heavy cough, causing him to drop the phone. He didn’t bother feeling around for it. 

It would be ok. They were there, they would find him. Then he could say that he was sorry he was so selfish. He just needed to wait. He relaxed a little. He wasn’t going to die here alone. They came for him, like they always do. His vision was fading out. He could relax, everything would be ok.

His consciousness slipped away, and his frail bubble finally popped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you continue, I would like to again remind you that the original fic ended here, with Steven's implied death.
> 
> I leave it to you to choose whether you prefer the story ending here in the dark, or continuing into the light.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deviates from the previous format as it includes more perspectives.
> 
> Sections starting with a 'Day #' are present, sections starting with a name are flashbacks from that character's perspective. Just to avoid confusion.

\---  
Day 14  
\---

Connie jerked awake from her half-sleep when she noticed him move. She had been reading, sitting propped up with a pillow next to Steven in his bed. A quick glance at her phone told her she hadn’t been dozing for more than a few minutes, but she scolded herself anyway. She hadn’t been able to sleep during her actual resting times, but it seemed she had no problem dozing during her watch.

She watched hopefully as Steven shifted again before his eyes opened a crack. When he didn’t do much else she sighed with disappointment as she got to work, shoving another pillow behind him to prop him up enough to be half sitting. “There you go. Do you want something to eat?” His eyes turned to her, examined her and then wandered out of focus. He didn’t recognize her today. It was both a curse and a blessing. Connie reached for the container of mashed food on the bedside, a mix of soft vegetables and supplements. When he was alert he would refuse food, but in this state he would just swallow it and fall back asleep. 

She was pleased to see he had some sort of appetite. His eyes were tracking her hands and he was leaning forward slightly for bites as she spoon fed him. It was an improvement. When he was done he turned away, leaning back into the pillows and closing his eyes.

Connie was exhausted from the task. She couldn’t keep this up, it was hard seeing him like this. He’d probably be asleep for several more hours, she should end her watch early and switch with one of the Gems so she could sleep. He seemed comfortable propped up, so she left the extra pillow. She used her phone to message Pearl, not wanting to leave Steven alone.

While she waited, she gently brushed the curls off of Steven’s forehead. The majority of his wounds had healed clean, but the more serious ones had scarred. Her fingers brushed along the edge of the pale mark on his forehead.

She started when she felt something brush against her wrist and looked down. Steven’s eyes were open a fraction had he had reached up to touch her hand. His fingers brushed against her wrist curiously before he opened his eyes fully and traced his gaze along her arm to her face. Her heart jumped when he made firm eye contact. “Hey.” She said quietly. 

He didn’t reply to her. His fingers moved down her hand onto the scar on his forehead and began tracing along it. It ran from just above his brow into his hair along his right temple. His brow furrowed in confusion as Connie suddenly grabbed his hand to pull it away, to stop him from exploring further. He shot her a questioning look and she let go, her hands shaking, “S-sorry.” she mumbled, turning away slightly. This wasn’t the first time, and it was always hard to watch.

His hand returned to the side of his head, groping around awkwardly. His fingertips traced the very little that was left of his right ear. Most of it had been torn off in the accident two weeks ago. He was frowning in confusion, his eyes darting around slightly as he tried to remember what happened. Connie offered no help. Maybe he would get tired and give up?

His fingers began moving down, feeling along his jawline as he tried to think. He slowly sat upright. Connie couldn’t decide if she wanted to help him or keep him still, so she just placed her hands on his shoulders, supporting him. This was the most he had moved since the crash. The blankets slid off of him, exposing his bare chest. He immediately began examining the scars on his right side, pulling on the skin to see better. The slight trembling told her that he knew what had happened. He sighed heavily and laid back down, turning his head away from Connie. She covered him again, but he didn’t respond. Like before, Connie expected he would remain lethargic until he fell asleep and forgot again. 

She noticed Pearl was standing beside the stairs, watching quietly. Connie got up off the bed, grabbing her book and started out of the room. Pearl stopped her, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?” Connie looked back towards Steven, who was glaring off to the side, ignoring them. At least he wasn’t crying this time. “... No. I need to get some sleep.”

\---  
Connie  
\---

It was unusual for Steven to pull a no show. She glanced at her phone again. He was half an hour late, no call, no message. When she called his phone, she got no answer. When she called Pearl, she was able to confirm that he had left home, although he seemed to be in a sour mood that day.

She understood, he had been growing frustrated with the Gems lately and had been spending more and more time out. He talked to her a little about it, but he didn’t like burdening her with “personal issues”; he preferred to handle them himself. He probably needed to go out and vent on his own, get it out of his system. He would do that every so often, go off somewhere private and sort out his thoughts.

She glanced at her phone again. It was unusual that he didn’t tell her. She called again, and again got no answer. There was nothing else she could do, she didn’t have any other means to find him. She would have to wait to talk to him, whenever he got back.

She waited another hour before going home.

\---  
Day 21  
\---

Steven was glaring threateningly at her. Amethyst matched the intensity of his expression, holding the spoon of mush a few feet away. He was on day four without eating anything and it was stressing everybody out. Before it had been just been refusing to open his mouth or swallow, but since he had started becoming more alert he was actively fighting it. It was irritating. She made another attempt with the spoon and he swatted it away, adding to the already big mess he was causing. The others usually gave up quickly, and Amethyst was persistent, but she was growing frustrated too. 

“Well what _do_ you want me to do?” She took the container of food and upturned it onto his lap. The plastic clattered across the floor as she tossed it aside, “Is THAT what you want? Is that it?” She put her hands in the mess, smearing it across the blankets around his lap, “Is it?” She clapped her hands against her cheeks in frustration, wiping the food over her face, “You don’t want to eat but I also know that you don’t want to die either. You can’t have both!” She sank back down into her chair at his bedside. Her voice lost its fire, “What do you want me to do?” She wiped her face with the back of her hand. “What do I do Steven? I don’t know what to do.” She hung her head. “ Why can’t you just say something?”

A movement after a period of stillness caused Amethyst to lift her head. Steven had reached to the side, and grabbed the discarded spoon in a fist. With a slow movement he scooped up some of the food off his lap and attempted to take a bite. His hand was trembling. She wiped her face again before reaching out and grabbing his balled hand, helping guide the spoon into his mouth. “You idiot.”

\---  
Garnet  
\---

They started looking for him the next morning when he didn’t come home. She used her future vision to search Beach City and Little Homeworld for Steven’s car, but couldn’t find it. Even more distressing, she didn’t see a single timeline where it came back home either. She was growing stressed and it was slowing her down. Everyone was counting on her. 

Steven had been acting erratic the day before, stressed. This was an extra complication. It’s harder to predict what someone would do while emotional. They make unexpected choices. 

She was also bothered by the number of timelines where Steven came home damaged, or didn’t even come home at all. She couldn’t focus on the possibility of finding him dead. So she continued to look for his car instead. But she continuously found nothing, as if it had vanished into thin air.

She was too stressed. She couldn’t focus. The futures she kept seeing were too distressing.

When she mentioned she couldn’t find Steven, Pearl’s phone came out. Within minutes she had rallied a search party. Lapis and Peridot were searching the sky. Greg and Connie would take the main roads in the van. Amethyst would take the woods. The two of them would stay behind and gather information.

She was grateful that Pearl took charge unquestioningly, but she could also sense that the lack of information was throwing her anxiety into a spiral too. She had to try and focus. Everyone was depending on her.

\---  
Day 23  
\---

Greg frowned with displeasure as Pearl carried his son down the stairs. Steven had the same frown, his eyes half open, glaring at nothing. “I don’t see why we have to do it this way.” She protested, “I have it all under control. He needs to be resting.” 

It would have been comical if it wasn’t so damn depressing. Pearl was standing in front of him, gently holding his bare ass naked 17 year old son in her arms so casually. He had to take a breath before replying, “Yes, and he can go back to bed after I’m done. A change of scenery will be good for him. It’s only to the bathroom anyway, I can call you if I need any help.” 

Steven’s gaze turned to him, noticing him for the first time only after hearing his voice. Greg cringed a little. He still looked really out of it. Steven’s eyes slipped closed and he turned his head away. Greg placed his hand on Pearl’s back, trying to hurry her up. “It’s all ready for him, the sooner we get him in there the sooner we can put him back to bed!”

He followed her into the bathroom and watched closely as she gently lowered his son into the bath water he had prepared. Greg let her put a towel behind Steven to help keep him upright, but after that he began pushing her out of the room. She started protesting again, finally causing him to lose his composure, “Just get the heck out!” He slammed the door behind her.

Tears were stinging his eyes and he wiped them away. When he turned, Steven was watching him, “Hey. Sorry you had to see that.” He sighed, turning towards the towel cabinets. “I am trying to be patient with them, I know they don’t really get how humans can be when they get sick.” He tossed a face cloth to Steven. He didn’t react, it just splashed into the bath water. “I guess this is new to you too. You usually take care of me when I get sick, not the other way around.”

Greg approached the tub, offering Steven a bar of soap. He didn’t take it so Greg put it on the edge of the tub. “You’re an adult, you can wash yourself.” He tried to say it firmly, but his voice wasn’t cooperating. This was hard. He pulled the shower curtain closed, granting Steven the first bit of privacy he had had in weeks. “I am pulling you out in half an hour.” Greg stated. “It’s up to you if you’re clean or not when it’s done, but it is either this or Pearl can give you another sponge bath.”

He settled himself onto the toilet and picked up a magazine. He couldn’t focus though, he kept listening for movement. Little splashes to indicate Steven was doing _something_. Five minutes of nothing felt like an hour. Greg took a deep breath, “The Gems have been doing a good job taking care of you and all,” he started, “But I was thinking… well it’s not just me, Connie talked to me about it too.”

There was a squeak as Steven pulled the shower curtain aside, curious eyes peeking out. It surprised him, but Greg continued, “They haven’t really been respectful of your...uh...dignity.” His eyes moved to the ceiling. “Like I know you can’t be completely independent right now, but are PJ bottoms _really_ too much to ask? Maybe some occasional privacy?” Steven’s face vanished behind the curtain again. Greg buried his face in his hands for a minute before continuing. “You were always good at taking care of yourself. It isn’t easy when you need so much help, but you can still do some things for yourself, y’know? You’re not totally helpless. It’s harder, but sometimes it is better.” It was quiet for a few more minutes, “But I guess you can do these things at your own pace. All of us are here for you, but sometimes we need to be told when we are doing things wrong too. Okay?” Tears were starting to run down his cheeks.

Another sad minute passed before he could hear light splashing. The tears began to flow heavier with relief. He hadn’t lost his son, he was still there. Tired and defeated maybe, but still there. 

It was only a few minutes later that Steven pulled aside the shower curtain, resting his head tiredly on his arm. He was done, there wasn't energy for any more. Greg pulled the drain on the tub, “I’ll get you a towel. You did good.” 

There was a light knock at the bathroom door as Greg got up. He opened it a crack to see Pearl standing there, holding a neatly folded pair of PJs. Her face had a blue tint to it, “I thought Steven might want these. I’m really sorry. I was-”

“Listening through the door.” Greg accepted the clothes, “Yeah, I sorta figured you were. In case we needed any help.” Pearl’s face turned even more blue. Greg laughed a little, wiping away some of his own tears with the palm of his hand, “Well, after I get him dressed I might need some help getting him back to his bed.”

"Alright. I'll wait out here until you need me."

\---  
Amethyst  
\---

She kinda wished that she wasn’t the first one to find the wreck. It was down an empty maintenance road, in the trees pretty far north of Beach City. The Dondai was totalled, ripped to pieces and scattered all over the place. Trees were knocked down, dirt was tossed up. But Steven wasn’t there. She flipped through the rubble, and began frantically searching the area. What was he attacked by? Did they take him?

Her phone rang, Garnet informing her that they were on their way. She felt stupid, she was supposed to call them when she found something, but she was too frantic looking for Steven.

Since her phone was in her hand anyway, she tried dialing Steven again. Like before, no answer. She didn’t hear it ringing in the wreckage either. Her stress and frustration was too much, she threw her phone onto the ground. She didn’t know where to go from here, but she didn’t want to wait for the others to arrive. She didn’t know what to do. 

She bent over to pick up her phone and noticed that it had redialed Steven when she had thrown it. She put it back to her ear, but instead of a dial tone she heard static. She punched a tree. On top of everything else she had to break her phone too. The static sound changed slightly and she stopped and listened closer.

It wasn’t static, it was breathing. Really _bad_ breathing. “Steven? Steven are you there?” she heard a wet cough, followed by a groan. Definitely his voice. He sounded awful, “Hey, where are you? I found your car, but I don’t know where you are!” Another cough, heavier, then muffled silence. The call was still going, but her yelling was echoing like she was underwater.

No. _he’s_ underwater. She ran to the cliff edge, looking down. She immediately had to shield her eyes from the bright pink light.

\---  
Day 26  
\---

Much to Pearl’s displeasure, Steven was fidgety. His frequent unbuttoning and rebuttoning of his shirt had led to her having to repair two buttons already. He kept tossing things on the floor. He’d kick his blankets off of himself, and then lean forward and pull them back over himself. And then kick them again.

She had tried tucking him in tighter, but when his arms were immobilized he struggled so hard she was worried he would hurt himself more, so she freed them. He immediately tossed his sock on the floor. He had done so much better when they started dressing him a few days ago, but now he seemed insistent in taking his clothes off. She wanted to scream.

Then Steven got really still. They locked eyes. He leaned to the side slightly, and while maintaining his eye contact he took grip of the bottom fitted sheet and pulled, popping it off the mattress.

Her eye twitched. It was too much. “Ok, well, I guess I have to make the bed from scratch then.” She forced herself to sound cheerful. “Which means I am going to need to take you out of the bed.” Steven reached to the other side of the sheet and pulled, popping another corner off. She felt about ready to break his other leg. “Let’s just put you in the chair there, ok? It is right there, we don’t need to make a scene of it.” 

Steven looked at the bedside chair and back to her. He swung his legs off the side of the bed and leaned forward to get up. Pearl immediately placed her hands on his shoulders, stopping him, “Your leg isn’t better yet. I’ll carry you.”

He pulled a third corner of the sheet. “Fine! Fine. Just do what you want!” She backed off. She was so irritated. Why was he doing this to her? She had been taking care of him this whole time, he should be _grateful._

Steven leaned forward, placing his hands on the bedside chair. He pulled himself up onto his good leg, but it was very clear to see he was hurting himself. On top of left leg being broken in two places, his hip and lower back had been injured as well.

He had needed surgery on his leg; his fast healing had caused the bones to set wrong. Dr. Maheswaran ended up being extremely valuable during Steven’s time in the hospital. She already knew that he was an unusual case and handled it without question and kept the confused doctors on task. It was also thanks to her that Steven was discharged within a week and could go recover at home. 

Steven managed to do a little hopping turn before seating himself. He didn’t show any emotion, but he was sweating. Pearl bristled, “Well I hope you learned your lesson!” She turned away, frustratedly remaking his bed, “Seriously, what has gotten into you today?”

When she looked back up, Steven was no longer in the chair. He was limping his way along the wall, already most of the way to the stairs. He paused and looked at her when she noticed. His emotionless stare was infuriating.

“You get right back here right now!” Steven seemed to consider it for a moment, and to her surprise he started limping towards her, “Wait wait, I can carry you!” She took a step towards him but stopped. Greg had talked to her about this. Steven was watching her, waiting to see what she was going to do. “That is, if you need me to.” She backed off. Is this why he had been acting up?

Steven stood still for a moment, his gaze dead on the floor before he looked up at her and reached out his arms. She suddenly felt overcome, her eyes watered. She made her way over to his side, but instead of picking him up like a child, she held her arm as support so he could finish his walk back to the bed on his own. As soon as he got there he flopped onto the mattress and fell asleep.

“Steven, wait, I wasn’t finished making that yet…” 

Still, it was a massive improvement. She couldn't stay mad at him.

\---  
Steven  
\---

His eyes were too heavy to open. Cold water was around him. His limbs didn’t work. It was too hard to breathe. He couldn’t focus his power anymore. He couldn’t think about what would happen next, his head was so foggy.

_Escape._

No, that wouldn’t work. If he left his bubble he would drown.

_Not the bubble. Escape. Hurry. Hurry hurry hurry!_

Crystal clear realization washed through him and his good eye snapped open. No, he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t know what would happen. 

_Hurry hurry hurry_

He knew what would happen if he _didn’t_ though. There wasn’t really a choice, so he let his survival instincts take over. It was his only chance. His body couldn’t move anymore, so he relied on his gem to know what to do, just like most of his powers. He worked to gather what little energy he had, concentrate it at his gem. 

His muscles tensed and he felt like screaming. He was passing out, he couldn’t handle it. It hurt too much. His body couldn’t handle it, and it felt like his mind was breaking too. His bubble popped and he felt himself sink, suddenly surrounded by cold water. He wasn’t able to take a final breath, his throat locked closed. This was it.

He felt himself being ripped in two, and the pain finally stopped.

\---  
Day 33  
\---

Connie sat on the floor across from Steven, puzzle pieces spread between them. He popped another piece in place, and she couldn’t help but smile. After he started walking on his own a few days ago there had been significant improvement. He had begun making his way down the stairs and doing things for himself. Preparing meals, washing himself, or simply sitting in the room with everyone. He kept falling asleep sitting up, and often needed to be carried back to bed, but would always rejoin them when he woke up. His limp vanished, and he just looked brighter.

But he still hadn’t said a word and they couldn’t figure out why. At first they had thought it was because it hurt him to speak. His lung had been punctured after all, and it had taken him a while to be able to breathe without obvious pain. He had a concussion too. When he refused to write for them though, they realized it was likely lingering emotional trauma or maybe a conscious decision. He wasn’t resistant to communication though, using a made up sign language to indicate when he needed something. But most times it was hard to tell if he was listening or not, and he still showed very little emotion. 

Garnet was in the room, waiting. Connie was tense too. If Steven sensed it, he didn’t let on. Instead he was focused on the puzzle on the floor in the middle of the room.

Lapis Lazuli had arranged a visit.

She had been resistant to seeing Steven since the accident. Peridot had visited a few times, bringing seasons 3 and 4 of Camp Pining Hearts, but was always unable to convince Lapis to come along. She wasn’t ready to see him like that, she said, she didn’t want to make him upset if she got upset.

So it was a surprise when she contacted Garnet asking if Steven would be ok with a visit. Garnet just replied with, “That’s up to you two.” So nobody knew what to expect when she arrived.

She simply let herself in, closing the door behind herself as she muttered an awkward greeting. Her eyes locked onto Steven.

Steven’s wide eyes were also on her, and the two stared off for a short amount of time. Then Steven fumbled onto his feet, scattering the puzzle pieces as he stepped through them in his rush to get to the blue gem. He stumbled once, but managed the few steps to get to her. Both Connie and Garnet were staring; this was the most interest he had shown in anyone.

Lapis seemed a little shocked too, but recovered quickly. Her brow furrowed as she looked over his face, “Oh, Steven…” She reached to touch his face, one hand holding his hair back from his forehead, the other thumb running along his scar. His eyes downturned, but he didn’t pull away. She pulled him into a hug, but he didn’t return it. It was when she leaned in and whispered something in his ear that he showed a reaction. His arms bent slightly, hesitating a moment before suddenly grabbing her, pulling her into a tight hug. He was trembling.

Connie hadn’t realized she had stood up until she noticed that her knees felt weak. What had just happened? What had Lapis said to him that caused such a solid emotional response? She was rubbing his back now, speaking soft and gentle, “You remember right? It was really _really_ difficult. But it was ok in the end, right? We can do it again.”

Steven pulled back, holding both of her hands in his as he nodded. His face was covered in tears. Both him and Lapis were shaking slightly. Maintaining grip on one of her hands he suddenly made for the door. She pulled back, but he didn’t let go “Wait, right now? Seriously? I didn’t mean that we had to do it right now!” She was flustered, “We can wait, there is no rush.” He was staring at her. 

“Have him back for sundown.” Garnet waved.

That solidified it. Steven dragged Lapis out the door. Connie followed out the door but stayed behind on the porch. Garnet stood beside her, watching the two go out onto the beach.

They didn’t go far, just out into the sand where they sat. It looked like they were talking, although she didn’t know if Steven was actually saying anything, or just listening. She turned to Garnet, “What just happened?”

“Steven’s lonely.”

Connie frowned, “We’ve been with him the whole time.”

“We weren’t with him underwater.”

Nausea swept through her. So, that was what it was about. 

“Don’t overthink it.” Garnet warned, before returning to the house.

The pair on the beach had gotten up, and Lapis was gently leading Steven by both of his hands into the ocean, up to his knees. Connie couldn’t see them very well, her vision was blurring. 

An intrusive thought entered her mind and she turned to enter the house, suddenly feeling sick with shame.

\---  
Steven  
\---

A human could hold an entire gem within their being, he was living proof of that, but he became painfully aware that the opposite could not be true. His gem could not hold an entire human consciousness, there just wasn’t _room_. There wasn’t time, he would need to work with what little space he had. He only needed to give his gem two things, a purpose, and skills to achieve that purpose. There was a purpose already programmed, and he didn’t want to mess with it, so he gave it a secondary purpose instead. _’Protect the organic half at all costs. Don’t let him die.’_ He would have to leave a lot behind. Unnecessary emotions. Long term memories. All organic instincts. The majority of his sense of self. He could only take what he needed. He hoped it would be enough.

The split was violent, a storm of light and sound. It wasn't smooth, he felt as if he had been peeled away, leaving a sickening tingle as he was pushed out into the water.

As soon as he could, his head whipped around, looking. _There!_ His organic half had been pushed away from him by the force of them splitting. He swam to him, wrapping his arm gently around his chest and bringing him to the surface. He floated on his back, carefully keeping his human’s head above water so he could breathe.

A voice calling from the cliffs above caught his attention. Another gem, familiar in both voice and form. He didn’t know her name, but she was definitely a friend. She would help them. He began kicking his legs, slowly paddling the pair of them backwards towards the cliffs. She lowered a whip to them, but he didn’t take it. His human was too fragile to be carried in only one arm. A stretched out purple hand was also extended down, but still not sturdy enough for him to accept.

When he got close enough to the edge of the cliff, he was able to touch his feet to the top of a rock. This was sturdy. He gently took his charge into his arms and leapt up to the top of the cliff. He very gently lowered himself to the ground, placing his human onto his back for observation. The purple gem was yelling. Unnecessary noise. He began checking his human. Alive, but badly damaged. 

His gem form wavered. A conflict of purpose. He could not do both at the same time. He defaulted to his primary. He placed both of his hands on his human’s belly and attempted to return. His form flashed and warped, but was rejected. He couldn’t return in this state, his human would need to recover first. This did not conflict with purpose two. His form stabilized.

And throughout it all the purple one was screaming. She was beside his human too, trying to talk to both of them. Her words were familiar, but he didn’t comprehend them. He needed to get the human to safety. He could not let him die. 

\---  
Day 40  
\---

“I’d love it if you told me about your day.” Garnet smiled as Steven looked outside in confusion. His day had only just begun, he had just been downstairs for a meal and had come upstairs to get dressed. He hadn’t done anything yet.

When he noticed that she had brought something he brightened with interest and sat on his bed, motioning for her to join him. She sat beside him, offering him the book she had brought. It was a hardcover scrapbook. Steven frowned at it and looked back up at her. He hadn’t talked for several weeks, but his expression was worth an entire conversation. There was no way he was going to _scrapbook_ his feelings. 

But, of course, Garnet knew that. She pulled open the cover to show him. His eyes widened. Inside were photos of his friends cut into shapes and glued to the page. They were all current, made and printed for this purpose. Everyone was smiling. Steven turned the page and frowned. The next page was a drawing of the Kindergarten. The next page, a childlike scribble of a barn on a hill, corn fields surrounding it. The moon base. Greg’s van. A bag of Chaaps, the sky arena. Various adventures, drawn by different hands. Steven was completely absorbed by it. Dozens of stories told without a single word. He turned the page and hit a blank. He turned to Garnet.

“Oh shoot. It looks like we forgot one.” Garnet shook her head dramatically. Steven looked down at the blank page and ran his hand down the paper. She handed him a box of crayons. “Let’s put today’s adventure here!”

The both of them worked on the page together. It didn’t take long; once Steven caught on to what she was doing he became a ball of energized enthusiasm. They held the book back and admired their work.

“Looks like you’ve got a busy day ahead of you. I'll get out of your way; you can tell me all about it when you get back."

\---  
Connie  
\---

There wasn’t enough time to take everything in at the scene of the crash, she could only register tiny bits of it. She recalled there being a lot of destruction, but the details of it were already erased from her mind as she focused on what was in front of her. 

There were four of them crammed into the back of the van, her, Pearl, and both halves of Steven. Greg was driving, getting them to the hospital. Garnet and Amethyst stayed behind to try and piece together what happened.

Steven was in sorry shape. There was a swollen gash across his face, and his right side was oozing blood. When they cut away his shirt they could see a ragged wound from where something pierced into him. His breathing was labored, a short twitching gasp cut by wet coughing.

His gem half sat to his left side, watching everything carefully. When they tried to talk to him he would just stare with a blank expression, so they ignored him as they started first aid. The only moment he interfered was to stop them from moving Steven’s arm, causing them to notice the dislocated shoulder. Aside from that, he would monitor Steven’s breathing and regularly look up to see what they were doing.

“Steven!” Pearl’s voice caused the pink form to look up, “Can you try using that healing ability of yours?” He stared at her, uncomprehending. He turned away from Pearl and looked at her.

“Your healing spit, you know?” She mimed licking her hand and then placing it on Steven.

His eyes flashed with realization and he looked down at his hand. He licked it and then his brow bunched in confusion. He flipped his hand, looking at the back of it a second before he licked his palm again. He ran the fingers on his other hand along it before he showed it to her. Completely dry. 

He didn’t give up though, he reached a finger down and scooped up some spit from along Steven’s chin before experimentally rubbing it on a smaller cut. No change. His gaze turned to her expectantly, as if he believed she had more ideas.

She didn’t.

\---  
Day 40  
\---

Connie didn’t want to babysit Steven today. She hated herself for thinking it so bluntly, but it really was how she felt. The silence from him twisted her insides, and she always went home feeling strained and depressed. She was having problems maintaining the fake caring smile.

It was because he didn’t act any different around her, and that bothered her. As he recovered he had been showing more emotion and initiative around the Gems, but when she was with him he would just sit quietly and do whatever it was she had brought for him to do. He still didn’t smile for her. In fact, he seemed more sad when she was around, and somehow more quiet.

Initially when Garnet called her and told her that Steven would need her help today, she declined, but she had been insistent that Steven needed _her_ help, so she caved.

When she entered the house, nobody seemed to be there. She announced her arrival and left her bag on the floor beside the door as she stepped in, looking around. Maybe Steven was asleep? She made her way up the stairs.

Steven _was_ there, although he seemed distracted. He had been sitting on his bed, a large book nestled on his crossed legs. The scrapbook they had made for him? He looked up in surprise and slammed it closed, throwing it on the bed beside him as he quickly rose to his feet. They held eye contact for a second before he ran to the sliding door and pushed it open. He turned to her for a short second before bolting outside, leaving the door wide open.

Connie crossed her arms and raised a brow. Now he was running away from her. Great, exactly what she was going for. She sighed, frustrated. Still, she could have sworn he was grinning just after he ran off. Maybe she imagined it.

She made her way to the door, intent to follow him, but he was already on his way back down, carrying something big. Her heart jumped to her throat. Why did he have her sword? They had been keeping it by the galaxy warp for easy access, but she hadn’t needed it recently. She took it when he handed it to her, more out of shock than anything. 

Satisfied that his offering had been accepted, Steven closed the door and booked it down the stairs, skipping steps. She followed and watched as he took two premade lunches from the fridge and shoved them into his plain grey backpack and quickly slung it over his shoulders. He dutifully tightened the straps so it wouldn’t jostle around too much. Connie’s eyes narrowed. Were they going on some kind of mission? He seemed extra...bouncy today. Childish. Playful?

“Steven, wait!” He was already halfway to the warp, and he turned to her with a curious expression, his thumbs hooked under his backpack straps. She wanted to ask what was going on, but she felt a sudden bubbling excitement, “Let me get changed first!”

\---  
Steven  
\---

He was extremely stressed. His body was safe, he made sure of it, but in order to maintain that safety he could not be allowed to go with it into the hospital room. Only a hallway and room away, but his form was jittering. Still, he had to optimize the chances of the human half recovering. How could he survive without it?

They called both of them “Steven”. It was a familiar sound, probably his title. He left a lot of memories behind, and he was confused, but as long as he was fulfilling his purposes it would be alright again. He looked down at his pink hands, watching the forms of his fingers waver and warp into each other.

There were two humans in the waiting room with him, watching him restlessly pace. They had attempted to speak with him, but their words held no meaning. A language he recognized, but could not comprehend. Unimportant. The larger of the two had put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off. Not his assignment. Not his human.

The spot on his shoulder where the human had touched still felt warm, even so many minutes later. Their sad, fearful eyes filled him with extra anxiety, but ignoring them also made him anxious. The pacing wasn't helping.

He stopped and stared at them. They were obviously important, they felt safe and familiar. But what were their roles? Were they his guards? His servants? His _friends_? He stopped, his eyes widening in realization. They were _his,_ It didn’t matter what role they played. They were part of him too. _His..._

_”Protect the organic half at all costs.”_

These humans were part of that. They were hurt too, he was expected to protect them. He immediately made his way to the bench where the two were sitting. He stood in front of the larger one, who looked up at him tearfully and mumbled something unintelligible. He didn’t know how to comfort humans, so he just mimicked what he had seen. He placed his hand on the other’s shoulder.

It was the right thing. The human took his hand and pressed it to his wet hairy cheek before pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him. He again mimicked the gesture, trying not to squeeze the fragile organic too hard. He felt warmer. Calmer. The human held onto him for a long time, mumbling words he couldn’t understand. Finally he was released, but the organic was crying harder. Still, he seemed less distressed, just sad.

The smaller one also wanted to embrace, so he repeated the action with her. This time he didn’t feel calmer. He felt a tightening in his chest. He pulled away, placing his hand on his cheek. Water? He wiped his eyes, realizing they were the source. Not water, tears. His form stiffened as a sickening dread ran through him. When he split he had left biological functions behind. Crying should not be possible. His hand brushed his chest. He had left most impairing emotions behind, including excessive fear. 

Connie put her hand on his shoulder, “Steven? Are you ok?”

He pulled away quickly, so she couldn’t feel him trembling. Why was this happening? Why did he understand her words suddenly? He wrapped himself in a tight hug, anxiety beginning to crush him. Did he die? Is this happening because he died?

“Steven? What’s going on? Hey?” His eyes darted upwards, meeting Connie’s concerned expression. When did he sink to the floor? Why couldn’t he focus? Why was he so afraid? 

“I need to see him” He choked, “He’s looking for me.”

She needed no further convincing, Connie pulled his arm over her shoulder and helped him get to his feet and start walking to the door. His Dad did the same on the other side, supporting him so he could stay upright. Their roles. Support. It made sense now. It made him feel sick.

They only got a few steps before the door opened. Dr. Maheswaran looked rather unruffled, but she flashed a tired smile, exposing a little bit of her stress. “You can see him now, things weren’t as bad as they first looked but we’re going to need to have a talk about his recovery plan.” Her eyes locked on him, half hanging off the other two trying to keep him upright, “Do I need to take a look at...this one too?” 

He pulled himself away from the others, his fear being replaced by overwhelming joy. He wasn’t dead, this was happening because he was _alive_! He took an excited step forward before turning and grabbing the other two’s hands. They should go in together. Even though he wasn’t scared anymore, he didn’t want to be alone.

\---

He seemed sunken into the hospital bed, so tiny and fragile. Tubes and wires seemed to be everywhere. But as bad as he looked right now, he was alive!

He was warned not to touch him, but he was too overjoyed to listen, he placed both of his hands gently on his belly, covered by a thin blanket. He began to laugh, light and airy. _Finally!_ His second purpose complete, he would now be able to focus on his primary purpose, his reason for existing. 

_'Be human.'_

There was a brief flash of pink as he returned, his laughter being cut off by the darkness of unconsciousness.

\---  
Day 40  
\---

The second they got out of the warp, Steven lowered to a crouch, pulling Connie down beside him. His eyes were focused on the sky, looking for something. In a half crouch he moved behind a fallen pillar, motioning her to follow. She did, keeping her eyes sharp for a threat. 

They were at the Gem Battlefield. Strawberries were growing everywhere, typically undisturbed. The sky was clear and blue, and it was warm out, maybe slightly too hot. Steven was watching her take it all in. When she turned to him he nodded at her. _’You ready?’_

She returned the nod, not exactly sure what she was supposed to be ready for. He took a couple steps away from the pillar, into the open and summoned a large bubble in both of his hands. He spun once to build momentum and tossed it a fair distance into the sky, where it popped into sparkling light. A signal?

He was back to watching the sky, expecting something. His shield was summoned and he was in a half crouch as he watched. Connie drew her sword and moved closer. What was he looking for? He was expecting something to come from the sky, but what?

She wasn’t knowledgeable about being attacked from the sky, they didn’t fight a lot of things that could fly. There weren’t very many places to hide up in the big open blue, unless they were all the way on the moon. _Or the sun._

Connie’s eyes widened. In the second book of The Spirit Morph Saga, Archimicarus would track people by flying between them and the sun, so they couldn’t see him in the light. That had to be what was happening now. She grabbed Steven’s arm to get his attention, “It’s hiding in the sunlight!” By reflex he looked at the sun before quickly looking away and blinking. He kicked something on the ground lightly, causing Connie to focus at their feet. Their shadow was growing. Whatever was above was making its move!

They dodged in seperate directions as it struck. It some sort of bird, about three times their size. It moved quickly, clawing the ground and then darting off deeper into the battlefield, towards the floating land masses where it could better hide. It’s wingbeats made no sound as it flapped lightly away.

When she turned to see if Steven was alright, he was sitting on the ground, his eyes as wide as his grin. He obviously already knew what it was, and he was excited by it. She, on the other hand, only knew it was big, could fly, and was maybe a lavender color. Oh, and it was trying to hunt them down. Steven didn’t seem to care about that last part, he was already off and running after it. She got to her feet and followed. 

She found herself having trouble keeping up with him. His leg was broken a couple weeks ago, and already he could run like nothing had happened. He was recovering so quickly.

She nearly crashed into him when he stopped abruptly. There was a large clearing. It looked like the plants had been cleared here recently, the creeping strawberries hadn’t had a chance to retake the land yet. Various gem weapons were still strewn about. A cliffside bordered it to their right, deep green vines and moss hanging over the dusty rocks above. Steven turned to her with a questioning frown. His eyes were sparkling though. She suspected he already knew what was ahead. This was some sort of game. He wanted to see what she would do. 

“Well, it probably wants to lure us out to the open, we’d be easier targets.” She mused, “But it would also be and easier target for us in the open too. It might be a good way to lure it out.”

He rubbed his chin as he considered her idea, his eyes doing another scan of the area. Finally he turned to her and nodded his agreement. They’d bait it out and attack. 

They were two steps into the clearing when it suddenly attacked from behind, knocking them both down with its wings. Instead of staying to finish them off, it circled into the air, landing softly on the clifftop. Connie got back on her feet instantly and stared up at the threat.

It was a large, purple owl, which explained the silent wings. It puffed up its feathers, drawing Connie’s attention to the gem on its chest. She lowered her sword slightly, “Amethyst?”

Her identity exposed, Amethyst returned to her form, standing on the cliff top looking down at them with a cocky grin, “You guys took forever to get here, I can’t believe I let Garnet talk me into this, I was _so_ bored.”

So this was it. A game. She felt her chest tightening with frustration. She thought that she and Steven were going to be doing something with just the two of them, but no. She was just being dragged around into another game he was playing with everyone else. She wasn’t special. Her eyes watered. Why did she even need to be special? Why did it even matter to her so much right now? Why did she want it to be about her? Shouldn't she be happy that she was making _him_ happy?

She turned to Steven, intending to call him out, but her words caught when she saw him. All the playful joy on his face was gone. His eyes were wide, staring up at Amethyst. His breathing was quick and uneven. Even though it was warm, he was shivering. “Steven?”

She pushed his arm slightly and he flinched, his eyes darted to her but looked past her. His gaze returned to Amethyst, up on the cliff looking down at them, but he was seeing something else.

She jostled his arm again trying to get his attention. He jolted, backing away from her. His foot caught on a rusty sword, snapping it as it tripped him. A bubble encased him as he fell, landing on the ground with a grunt before curling up. Connie pressed her hands against the bubble, “Steven!”

Amethyst, realizing that something wasn’t right, dropped her act and threw herself down from the clifftop, joining them at a run, “What's wrong with him?” 

“I have no idea, when he saw you up on the cliff he started freaking out!”

“When he saw me on the- aw shit!” Amethyst smashed her fist against the bubble, trying harder to get in. “Steven, hey! You aren’t there anymore. Can you hear me? It’s alright now, we’re right here. Hey, c’mon open up!”

She couldn’t get in, “Dammit this is my fault.” She turned to Connie, “When I found him he was in the water at the bottom of… Dammit” She smashed her fist against the bubble again.

"Move!" Connie's sword came down hard on the bubble, finally breaking through. Steven began feeling around in a panic, like the very air closing in around him was danger. She threw herself down next to him, grabbing him in a tight hug. It surprised her when he pushed her back with enough force to roll her a few feet. A sharp pain ran up her arm and when she touched it she knew she was bleeding, cut on a discarded weapon. It wasn’t serious, but her Mom was going to have some choice words for her when she got home and asked about a tetanus shot. Good thing she had changed clothes, at least she wouldn’t be going home bloody. 

When she looked back at him, Steven was staring at her in shock, both hands covering his mouth. He got to his feet and began walking towards her in a half daze. She met him halfway. He was still shaking a little, but he seemed to be back in _this_ reality.

Gently, as if she was made of glass, he took her hand and looked at her cut arm. With his free hand he licked two fingers, as if he was about the turn the page of a book. He gently wiped the wound and blood away, sparkling like he had wiped glitter off of her. Rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, he seemed lost in thought, sad. He let go and began to slowly turn away.

She reached to stop him, but he turned back to her suddenly, gripping her in a sudden, tight embrace. It surprised her, but she was quick to return it. Finally it clicked. “You’ve had something you’ve wanted to say to me,” She felt his nod, “But you can’t say it?” He nodded again. She took his face in both of her hands and pulled him away, looking into his wet eyes. “Me too.” She admitted. Her right hand slid from his face, down his shoulder, along his arm, finally intertwining her fingers with his. Her left hand’s thumb brushed against his scar, before moving down his cheek onto his shoulder. “Maybe we can show each other?”

Steven looked at her in confusion for a second before he understood what she meant and reluctantly moved his free hand to her hip. They pressed their foreheads together, rocking in a painfully slow dance. Each wanting to express themselves, but both too reluctant. The attempted fusion failed. 

Time ticked away before Connie burst into tearful laughter, “It won’t work because I keep stepping on your feet.” Her voice choked, “Why did you think it was a good idea to wear _sandals_ to a battlefield? Who does that, who wear sandals to a battlefield?” She could feel him vibrate with a silent, sad chuckle. She pulled back, trying to glare at him, but she couldn’t stop her mouth from twitching with contained laughter, even though she was crying. Feelings made no sense, “Stevonnie needs proper footwear! No wonder it won't work, they’re just too high class for sandals and gym shoes. They require the _finest_ -” She didn’t know what. She knew nothing about fancy shoes.

Steven ran his fingers along his chin, thinking. He turned to Amethyst, who had been quietly watching them with her arms crossed. She uncrossed her arms and backed away, “No, no no no. I am not… No. Just no.”

Connie placed her hands on Steven’s shoulders, “Oh come on Amethyst, tell us what kind of shoes we should get Stevonnie. Don’t you _want_ to cheer Steven up? Look how sad he is?” He was wearing the most over the top fake frown any of them had ever seen. She snorted and covered her mouth, unable to keep the serious tone she had been going for. She giggled into her hands. Steven, however, kept up the expression unbreakingly. Amethyst rolled her eyes, “Fine.”

She began to shapeshift, her form shifting to a heeled thigh high boot, somehow posed provocatively, “How does Stevonnie like this?”

Both Steven and Connie lost it, falling to the ground laughing, all tension broken. Amethyst Boot flopped over at the knee. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

When their laughing fit stopped, and they both sat up, Connie could see Steven’s eyes on her. Finally he was smiling at her. She felt better too, now that it was out in the open that she was having difficulties. She would have to find a way to tell him, but for now they could be content as they are. They would work through it.

\---  
Day 64  
\---

It had been just over two months since he impulsively crashed his car, trapping himself below the ocean. He had scarred his face, lost his right ear. His ribs had been cracked and broken, his lung punctured by debris. His right shoulder had been dislocated, his breastbone also broken. His hip had broken and dislocated on the left side. His lower back muscles had been torn. His left leg had been broken in two places, and he had required surgery because his quick healing caused it to set wrong. He had separated his human and gem halves to rescue himself, causing excessive strain when he needed to be resting.

He had also lost his voice; couldn’t make words form. Couldn’t express himself in even writing. When he tried, the words caught and dissolved. But somehow everyone understood him better this way. Everyone was trying harder to see things from his perspective. So he stopped trying to speak. Just for now though. He did have something he needed to say to everyone, but he would do it when he was ready. They would wait for him.

Garnet helped keep his mind sharp, orchestrating little adventures and shenanigans to keep him busy. They would take turns miming out different scenarios and guessing what they were. They were both really bad at it. 

Pearl suddenly became a fierce warrior defending his virtue and dignity. Although he could do things on his own again, he still invited her to help him. Making meals, folding laundry, finding his lost socks, (turns out Lion was hiding them under the house.) Even so, she still let him do things at his own pace, and stopped pressing him. He felt more relaxed around her.

Amethyst would just sit with him. Like him, she had something to say, but couldn’t say it. They mostly snacked on junk food and would sometimes go out and cause little bits of mischief. 

His Dad would come over daily and they would jam together. He couldn’t sing yet, so his Dad would mimic his voice poorly while singing some of the most ridiculous lyrics he made up on the spot. It always caused him to laugh, which he suspected his father appreciated more than any song he could sing.

Lapis met with him about once a week. They would often just go to some beautiful location she had found and sit there quietly, appreciating the world around them. She mistakenly believed he had developed a fear of the ocean, recalling her own time trapped in the depths, but in reality he found himself more afraid of being in the dark alone, or being unable to move. But watching her trying to help him conquer a fear she once had and seeing how far she had come motivated him. He would get through this too, with time.

Connie was a completely different matter though. She would come over and they would just _be_ together. She didn’t speak with him much, but she always kept close, sometimes even holding his hand. When they were alone they would turn on music and quietly dance. They couldn't fuse though, he carefully made sure of it. He wasn’t going to share his scars before he shared his words. Even without the words, or the fusion, he still knew she was impatient for answers. He did his best to let her know he wasn’t going to leave her hanging, and she did her best to be there for him, although it seemed to be difficult for her. She was haunted by it, and every day he chose to wait was another day feeling guilty for it.

\---

The sun was rising. He had already been awake for at least an hour, thinking. Today would be the day. He got out of bed and began to get ready.

Nobody would be there for at least two more hours. They gave him complete privacy to sleep. It would give him the time he needed to slip away and not worry them for too long if they found him gone. By reflex he reached for his car keys on the way out, his hands freezing when they didn’t find them. He took a measured breath, fighting the anxiety and focusing his thoughts on what he was doing right now. He instead took the light jacket off the hook and put it on before opening the door and making his way down onto the beach.

He whistled for Lion, who appeared from under the house, ready to go. He tried to praise the big cat for his loyalty with a small cuddle against his mane, but he just knocked him over, eager to get to business. Yeah, it would be better if they hurried. He got on Lion and took another look at the house before he rode off.


	3. Chapter 3

\---  
Day 64  
\---

Connie had woken up early and couldn’t get back to sleep, so she caught the first bus to Beach City. She would be at Steven’s house about an hour early, but she was sure Steven would forgive her. Actually, it would be Pearl who gave her trouble if she found out. 

Something felt off the moment she entered and went to hang up her sweater. His jacket wasn’t there. That didn’t necessarily mean anything, he often left it laying around wherever he threw it. His book bag, that had been sitting untouched for weeks by the front window, was also gone.

She glanced at the stairs. Steven was a pretty heavy sleeper, if she was quiet he wouldn’t notice if she checked on him...

\---

The Gems were quick to assemble after Connie messaged them asking if they knew where Steven had gone.

They were all uneasy. Last time he went off on his own he nearly died. They had to keep reminding each other that he was an adult and could go anywhere he wanted, whenever he wanted, without telling anyone. It was unlikely he was spontaneously doing something dangerous. He could have snuck out for a donut, or to watch the sun rise. 

Maybe he fell asleep with Lion again? After Pearl went to check, she returned with a few stray socks and told them that Lion was gone too, which wasn't too unusual. He could be put hunting, or possibly with Steven.

Their worry was interrupted when all of their cell phones chimed at once. Connie pulled hers out, finding a text message from an unknown number.

> _"Heeeey this is Steven Universe!  
>  I dropped my phone in some water and had to get a new one haha. This is my new number so don't use the old one anymore._
> 
> _I can't reply to everyone right now. I have to figure some things out but we can all talk later!"_

Connie looked up. Everyone had gotten the same message and they all seemed to be reading again and either replying or adding him to their contacts. There was excited chatter, but she couldn't focus on it. It had been over two months since he had said anything to anyone. This was shocking. Her phone chimed again, but this time it was the only one. 

> _"I'm sorry. Just a little more time. I'm not ready yet but I promise it will be soon. I will bring something home for lunch!"_

Connie smiled, replying with a simple 'k'. He was working at it step by step. She would have to as well. They all would.


	4. Chapter 4

\---  
5 months  
\---

The sun was setting, and Steven was sitting outside with Amethyst. She had brought him icecream and they had been sitting silently eating. She had been building courage for this for about a week, and had attempted to bring it up several times before she would either go silent or change the subject. She was attempting it again, and he waited, trying not to let his anxiety show. He had been waiting for someone to bring this up, and he was glad it was going to be her first. 

"Soooo. I keep meaning to ask…" she started drumming her fingers on the table, trying to carefully pick her words, "Well, um. Garnet and I were at the crash and…. Well I got there first but…" She kept trying to be tender about it but she was getting frustrated. This was usually the point she'd mutter _'forget it'_ and leave.

"Oh, screw it. Steven, I've seen what you can take. You've been in bigger crashes and fights and you got out fine. You've been slammed into the ground from halfway to the moon and just got up from it! We all know this shouldn't have been a big thing. You have good reflexes, you normally would have put yourself in a bubble _before_ you got hurt …" She sighed before slamming her hands on the table, "What happened?! Why _didn't_ you protect yourself?"

She sat down and exhaled, "Look you don't have to answer, but everyone is wondering-"

"I didn't want to." He said simply. Amethyst's eyes widened. No surprise, he hadn't said anything in nearly half a year and this was the first thing she got to hear from him. But they deserved to hear this in his own words; he couldn't keep up the silence forever. It was way past time he said anything. He cleared his throat, his own voice feeling foreign. "I didn't mean to crash, but when it happened, I just wanted to let it happen." He said it slow, careful. He didn't know how she would react.

"But you would have-"

"Yeah." He crossed his arms, his eyes losing focus as they looked downwards, "I was so scared, I changed my mind but I was already hurt so bad. I didn't think anyone would find me. I didn't even think anyone would look for me after that fight we had. I'm sorry. We had the biggest fight and you still got there first. Everything was so messed up."

They both sat quietly for a few more minutes. Amethyst broke the silence, "Are you going to tell everyone?"

"Yeah."

"And you aren't going to leave again?"

Steven smiled sadly and shook his head. "New phones are too expensive."

Amethyst scoffed. "Well, if you need my help, I'll be around. Y'know, I got nothing better to do."

"Pearl is doing laundry. Wanna sneak up on her?"

"You know it!"

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my work, whichever ending you have chosen to accept, and whichever feelings you walk away with.
> 
> I have an idle interest in making a separate fic entirely about Steven and Connie on the topic of how it will impact their relationship, but for now I am leaving that side of things open.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to view my story, it truly means a lot and keeps me inspired to continue writing. I hope I see some of you in my future works :D


End file.
